Tears...of Joy

       Same time last year, my husband and I went on a short holiday. We went to a cooler place in the northern part of Italy. We chose a hotel in a valley, where we see the clouds kissing the mountain tops, fog and cloud mixed together! The best thing is we didn't receive any reception for our cellular phone network. That was better, indeed a break from the usual busy world.

    We decided to have that trip for our first wedding anniversary, a bit early but on the exact date, he needs to work. And off we go to celebrate... My mind flew away as we were on the streets, I was wondering and pondering, I was thinking and looking back. I was wondering what would life been for both of us, if we didn't get married, if we didn't find each other and fell in love. It was a difficult thought to understand. And so I stopped.

      Instead, I started thinking and enumerating the countless blessings we have received in that one year of marriage. I realized there were many. However, I can't help but feel so down when the thought of having a child of our own came into mind. We have tried so hard and worked so hard, we even consulted the doctor... but we just couldn't have it yet... not yet.

      Italian cities are filled with old churches and there was one great old church in this small town. We entered and prayed inside. As we habitually do, we lighted candles and uttered our wishes and prayers of gratitude. Suddenly, I found myself in tears. I just cried and whimpered silently. I let the tears flow. I wanted it all out, hoping it will make me feel much better and much more hopeful after. I just wanted to scream out all the fears and sorrows I have. I was always dreaming of being a mom, and at that moment I was very close to believing that I will never be.

    My husband just held my hand, he can't think of anything to say. For he himself is also waiting and praying. We were both hoping so much that we could be parents. I hugged him while I cried, I whispered how sorry I am for crying... for losing hope at that moment. I couldn't remember how long I sat there crying and asking HIM questions.

       I felt better after that incident. I felt relieved yet still hopeful... whatever happens! I know that everything is under control, and it's not within my reach. HE is the only one who knows when our prayers will be granted. 
      
      As I look back at these memories, I can feel the forceful kicks of the little angel inside me. Yes indeed, I have received the best gift I could ever asked for, and in just 8 weeks time, my little one will be here. He is very much active and making his self felt inside my womb. I can never be thankful enough for this experience!

          Our family will grow in number... it will grow in faith and with HIM at the center!