To be a Child Again : Essere Ancora Una Bambina...

Essere ancora una bambina...
se lo potessi fare, lo farei subito!
la vita dei bambini e' piu facile.
non hanno niente da fare,
per loro tutto e' un gioco.
che dolce la vita,
pero non e' la realita' per noi adulti.

Oh to be a little girl again...
If I could, I would immediately!
The life of the children is much more easy.
They have nothing to do,
For them, everything is just a game.
What a sweet life,
however, that's not the reality for us adults.

     Ho scoperto di essere incinta quando il feto era solo di 5  settimane. la mia vita e' cambiata! Quando ho visto il mio bimbo con lo scan in ospedale ho detto... che miracolo!
Mi sono sentita strana quando ho sentito il battito del suo cuore, meraviglioso. Era una realta difficile da spiegare!

     My life changed since I discovered I was pregnant.
I found out I will be a mother when my son was just
5 weeks old. And when I saw the ultrasound... WOW!
Moreso, when I heard his heartbeat. It was undescribable, something I couldn't explain until now.

     "Sono una Filippina e il padre di mio figlio e' Italiano. Mio figlio e' speciale..." 
Questo e' il mio pensiero pero' non sono d'accordo, perche' so che ogni bambino o bambina e' speciale, e' importante. Ogni bambino che nasce ogni minuto e' davvero molto bello e carino. Ogni bambino e' un grande regalo di dio.
    
      "I am a Filipino and the father of my child is Italian.
Oh how special he would be..." That's what I had in mind.
But I reckon I am wrong, because every child, every single baby born every minute is very special, very unique indeed. Every child born is a great gift from God.

     

     Se e' possible spiegare o capire il sentimento del padre di mio figlio, scriverei anche quello. Sono molta curiosa di sapere cosa sta pensando o come si sente. Mi piace sapere come la sua vita e' cambiata dopo che ha preso suo figlio tra le sue braccia. Pero' penso che tutti i padri come mio marito, pensano e si sentono diversi. Penso che loro sentono di piu, con profondita; che forte l'emozione dei padri, credo. A loro piace participare a tutti i momenti speciali dei loro figli. Se possono osservare tutto, magari lo fanno. Purtroppo, loro devono andare a lavore per le famigle, quella e' una grande responsibilita! Spero che in qualche modo mi sento come lui, come un padre. E' un grande lavoro? No lo so...
      

       If it's possible for me to understand how my son's father feel about being a father, I would. I am very curious at how he thinks and feels, at how his life has changed as soon as he held our son. But I believe that all fathers like him, feel and think  differently. I reckon they feel more profound. They didn't carry the baby for 9 months but each of them would like to take part in every special moment the child has. They would want to be there too, but they had to provide for the family and they have a greater responsibility usually. I hope somehow, I would feel HIS shoes... to be a father. Is it a greater job? I don't know...

Se possible, per un giorno...mi piacebbe diventare una bambina in una familglia piena di gioia, rispettata, piena di pace e felicita'...in una famiglia con fede e amore! La vita dei bambini e' la piu dolce di tutti!
 
        Voglio diventare una bambina ancora!   

       If it is possible, for one day; I would like to be a little girl again in a family full of joy, with respect for its members, full of peace and happines... in a family bound by faith and love! The life of a child is the sweetest of all!
   
       I want to be a child again!

      

Unang Byahe

A Trip by Ship

My first trip to ilo ilo city was in May 1994. It was my first job as a teacher. I went there riding Negros Navigation, it was an eye opening experience and I told myself : "If this is what travelling for an average Filipino like me would be, I would never travel by ship again!"

I didn't use the toilet for an almost 12 hours trip, which includes lining up to get inside the ship to finding your "paid spot" inside the ship; up to finally exiting the ship with a grateful and relieved heart!

I was just thankful it was the time of pageants, and Miss Universe was live on TV. It was the time I came to know Sushmita Shen and Charlene Gonzales. That kept me up, plus the water on my feet God knows where that water was from.

I think I was praying the whole time. It was a strange place for me yet it was the reality for the many Filipinos from the south (the visayas) who work and study in central Luzon.

That memory of mine and the news of Sulpicio lines incident...
hmmm No wonder the school director travelled by plane while my co teacher and I, were on that "cheap" ride.

Two Months

2 Mesi 

Bilis ng panahon

Kay layo na ng kahapon

Tumakbo ang oras

Sing bilis ng buhawi...

Lumipas na ang lahat.

Tag-ulan, tag-araw, tag-sibol

tag-tuyot, tag-lamig o tag-lagas

Umulan man ng yelo, 

Kay bilis bilis lahat ay lumipas! 

Dalawang buwan na nagdaan,

Kimkim ang ala-ala't pag-aagam agam

Ngunit muli kang natunghayan

Busilak mong PUSO 

Na dulot ay kapayapaan...

Oh tag-araw, sana ikaw ay 6 na buwan

Sana'y kasing tagal ka ng tag-ulan! 

Di sana matapos ang sikat mo araw 

Painitin ang aming puso't isipan

Hihintayin namin ang muling tag araw

Hindi ba maari na mahigit pa sa 2?

Sana man Lang ay 3, 4, o 5!

Tag-araw mag balik ka!

Walo, Siyam, Sampu

Siyam na buwan sa loob ng sinapupunan...

Siyam na buwan ko na din inaalagaan.

Parang kelan lang, hayyy! 

Masayang magbalik tanaw, kaakibat nito ang sangdamakmak na mga larawan. Ni hindi ko nga naintindihan kung paano ko pa sisinupin ang mga iyon. Mayroon ding sangkatutak na maiikling video na kahit ulit ulitin kong panoorin di ako magsawa. 

Hahaha sadyang wala lang kaya akong magawa? O baka naman bunga ito ng aking pagkamangha. O di kaya, mahal na mahal ko ang aking anak kaya't hindi ako magsawa.

Hindi ko naiisip noon na gagampanan ko ang ganitong karakter sa aking buhay. 

Tinawag ko na ngang anak ang aking kaisa-isang pamangkin dahil pakiwari ko noon, magiging dalaga ako hanggang pumanaw. Sadyang mahiwaga ang buhay! 

Ang daming mga kaganapan na hindi mo naman inakala. Akalain mong nanay na ako? Hanggang ngayon, ako'y manghang mangha! Salamat sa biyaya at pagpapala. 

Napakahirap palang maging mabuting ina. Hindi pala madali! Hahaha però napakasarap ng pakiramdam, lalo na yung ikaw lang ang pwedeng magpatahan sa batang umiiyak. 

Bukod tanging ikaw lamang ang may alam. Ikaw kasi ang nanay. Minsan di ko maapuhap sa aking kamalayan ang hiwaga na nagdudugtong sa aming mag-ina. 

Ang tanda na ng anak ko. Hay ang bilis lumaki! Siyam na buwan na siya... Sana hanggang mag ika labing siyam na taong kaarawan niya, makikinig pa din siya sa akin. 

Sana... 

Riunione delle madri

Quattro anni fa, la mia mamma era in ospedale. In questo tempo, ero una maestra in Giappone. Ho vissuto vicino la mia sorella, una madre per la sua figlia metà Giapponese.

Mio marito era in Giappone. Non sapevamo cosa potesse succedere a mia madre. Quindi, abbiamo preso volo insieme per visitare e capire cosa stava succedendo. E poi, tutto e' andato bene. 

Tanti anni fa... Molto tempo fa...

Sembra per me una decada.

La mia sorella e' la mia altra madre. Per me, lei è una buona amica! Lei è una madre giusta. La sua figlia vera e' fortunata. La mia mamma e' fortunata per avere Lourdes! 

Ieri, sono arrivate in Filippine, tutte due. 

Oh che gioia! Dopo 4 anni, finalmente la riunione delle madri! Stavo pensando di poterci essere anch'io. 

Va bene, spero che tra un po... posso prendere un volo per fare un' altra riunione con mia madre, le mie sorelle, (anche loro come altre madri per me), mio fratello, e mio unico figlio con mio marito sempre. 

Prego...

Penso...

Spero...

È possibile avendo fede in DIO👍

è già un mese

Sono molto contenta,

Sono molto felice,

Sono molto fortunata!

Sono stanca,

Non dormo più di tre ore,

Non ho fatto niente per me!

Sono molto occupata,

Sono molto sveglia

come il mio figlio unico!

Sono una mamma nuova,

Sono una Filipina,

Sono sposata da più di tre anni!

La mia vita, e' cambiata ancora

La mia vita, e' diversa ancora

La mia vita come una Filipina

e' davvero molto interessante!

Sai perché? Sono una donna

sposata, che vive in un altra paese

lontano dalla mia prima famiglia.

Però, ringrazio DIO!

perché LUI sa tutto...

Vivo la giornata.

Giorno per giorno...

Con il mio (speriamo) grande cuore

come mio marito!

È già un mese... La nostra vita

in  nuova casa e in altra città.

Grazie a DIO di tutto, grazie a LUI

per quello che ha dato NOI tre.

Siamo quattro in la mia famiglia, perché lo so che LUI è il nostro grande capo, l'altra persona della mia famiglia. 

Número Otto

Gia' 8 mesi!
Che roba... non capisco bene, non sono capace di spiegarmi!
non sono forte per fare le cose, pero' ho fatto tutto.

Grazie mille, grazie a te! Grazie per mio marito
Grazie mille per il mio unico figlio

Ringrazio molto nostro Dio...
dio per tutti
dio per me
dio per noi
dio per voi

Ci sono tante cose per dire GRAZIE!

Ogni giorno sembra facile
Ogni giorno sembra felice
Ogni giorno sembra con grande sole

e perche'?

C'e amore! dobbiamo pensare che non c'è solo l'amore
che noi riceviamo o che diamo

ma c'e l'amore che viene da DIO!

Ohhh l'amore

Nangingilid ang Luha

Hindi ko alam kung maglulundag ako sa tuwa... malapit na kami umuwi sa aming bahay, pero;

May isang nanay na medyo nahihirapan gumising kada umaga lalo pa't papalapit na ang araw ng aming pag-uwi. Ang nanay ng mister ko ay mababa ang luha. Masyadong emosyonal at medyo mahina ang loob pagdating sa mga bagay-bagay na masyadong maselan.

Siguro mahirap talaga mawalay sa anak, at sa bagong apo. Mag 7 buwan pa lamang ang anak ko. Giliw na giliw sya dito at di niya maisip na ilang araw na Lang, ako ang anak nya at ang kanyang pinakamamahal na apo ay uuwi na.

Halos 2 oras din ang byahe namin sa eroplano. Malapit Lang yun, pero walang lakas ng loob sumakay ng eroplano ang nanay ng asawa ko.

Hindi ko maisip kung paano magpapa-alam sa kanya sa Sabado! Tiyak na iyakan na umaatikabo!

Kaninang umaga nangingilid ulit ang luha niya habang binabati nya ng magandang umaga ang anak ko. Siguro mahirap mag paalam talaga sa Sabado.

Pero ako ay lubos na masaya, sobrang ligaya ko na kami ay uuwi na. Ilang beses din naman kasi nangilid ang luha ko sa kanila. Hindi yata madali makitira sa bahay ng iba. 

Hindi yata madali na mapakialaman ka. Nakakangilid kaya yun ng luha. Hindi nila alam ang pakiramdam ko. Alam kaya nila? Habang nangingilid ang luha ng nanay ng asawa ko, naiisip ko ang nanay ko. 

Ang Inang ko nga ni hindi pa nasulyapan ang anak ko. Hindi ko pa Siya nayayakap mula ng ikasal ako. Ang tagal na noon... Hindi lang katitik na luha sa gilid ng mga mata ko. 

Malamang kulang ang Kumot at tuwalya na meron kami sa bahay ko! 

Dalampasigan

Dalawa Nga Ba?

Dati rati dalawa lang kami...

Dati rati pwede kahit ano...

Dati rati kahit anong oras pwede ka matulog lang ng matulog,

manood ng TV ng walang sawa,

magbake ng magbake, mag explore ng mga new recipes...

Kahit nga buong araw ka pa sa Facebook...

Dalawa lang kami noon eh!

Ngayon, dalawa din kami!

Mahirap pala, kami lang mag-INA ang mag kasama... Mas masaya kung tatlo kami. May makulit, may matakaw, may patawa! 

Dalawa lang muna kami ngayon però masaya pA din, però minsan sobrang nakakatuwa ang Anakino ko, napapaluha ako. Naiisip ko kasi, "Sayang at hindi nakita ng tatay mo ito!"

Bigla bigla tuloy, naiisip ko yung ilang milyon na Filipino na iniiwan ang mga anak, ang kanilang mag-iina o mag-aama. Lumalim tuloy ang pagkalungkot ko. Naisip ko, ganun talaga ang buhay. Kailangan gawin ang lahat parà sa pamilya. 

Tatlo na ulit kami... mas masaya kung tatlo. Mas hagikgik ang kilitian at utuan...Oo minsan feeling ko 3 kaming nag-uutuan kasi mahal namin ang isa't isa. Mas malakas ang halakhak kung tatlo kami. May luha din però luhang may saya kasi alam mong magkakatabi lang kayo at di ka na mangangamba. 

APAT pala  kami! Kasi lagi namin SIYA kasama; bago pa man kami gumising sa umaga nakabantay na siya. Buong araw daw NIYA kaming tinitingnan. Buong gabing binabantayan. Maraming salamat sa ika-4 na myembro ng aming pamilya. 

Kayo ilan kayo sa pamilya mo? 

Crossing Bridges

It's been 6 months and 6 days since I gave birth... 

That argument being said, I can continue writing about how it was and how my life has changed after my first pregnancy. I could write a book about it, my mom would gladly read it... given that she could read, but she couldn't. 

I never understood her much when I was younger, but as I age and as I move away farther from Home; I understood her more. I would love to teach her to read, given the chance. 

I would like to believe I studied to be a Teacher and got so inspired that I even took units in Reading Education after my university graduation all because of my love for her. Perhaps I just didnt know how to express myself well in front of her when I was younger. Perhaps, it was love that made me pursue teaching reading! 

I remembered writing about her experiences as an illiterate mother of six, in some of my school papers in the university. The learning and how we learn sort of topics drove my mind back to her experiences as a non-reader. She couldn't write too. She is always my Classic example in understanding learning, unlearning and life itself. 

In fact, there was a time I tried teaching her but she refused in her usual shy manner. She is a very quiet woman, but when she speaks, she speaks with innocence and humility that you would love her more. 

She has many stories to share, and when it was that peak of her time to talk and talk about her past... I was so glad I was already matured enough to listen and I had the time to remember them. I may have not written them down, but I remember them very well, I can recount her stories with my eyes closed. 

She is very simple. Her stories didn't change no matter how many times, she would retell them. She came to that point when she no longer remembered if she had told you that story or not. Her form of entertaining people then was through her old stories. 

Speech... her ability to talk and communicate, that is long gone. Since September 2009, her ability to speak is non existent! From then on, I always send her airmailed cards, photos or letters which my sisters would read to her. 

From the time she had a mild stroke, I have lived in 3 different Home addresses. I got married. I studied another language. I got pregnant and I am now a mother myself... but I keep writing her. I have plenty of stories to share with my Inang! I find my ways to tell her everything about my life now even though we are living in different parts of the world. 

I'm moving in to my 4th Home address very soon... and I would be definitely excited to write her another story about my own Home in a new HOME with my little Nicholas, her second grandchild and  named after her. 

😵😲😇😵😲😇😵😲😇

We love you and miss you Inang! We love and miss you Nonna Nicolasa. See you in about 8 months! You are thought of everyday. 

HAPPY Mother's Day Inang! I would never stop writing you letters...and if I could write a book, I would read it to you first!

a month away

       Does it really feel different? I'm turning 40...a month away.

       Most people say: life begins at 40. I don't think so. I don't agree. From as long as I can remember, life starts every single day.We sleep and every morning is a new life, a new beginning...life anew!

      I hope that a month away I will start feeling new...whether I'm turning 40 or not. if it would be my 50th, I would still feel the same way. Perhaps each year, I should just pray that I become more mature and more open about everything that can happen.

      I wish to show that I have grown old, that I have embraced the life I have made and the life I have chosen. Most of all, that I have thanked GOD and live the life of thanksgiving. I wish that as I turn a year older, I have given more to others. 

      I hope that I have become a good example to others. I hope that I speak and do all the things that I have read and have made my faith deeper. I hope I am sharing something good about GOD and life itself to others. 

un grande regalo per noi

I know how BLESSED we are! We get all the special treatment from God, whether we pray to him or not. That's how wonderful he is to us, a great father with his unconditional LOVE for believers and non believers alike.

I try to wake up each morning thinking about HIS gift to me... my LIFE! The simplest thought of me breathing, reading, writing and interacting with all the people around me... that's a great gift of life.

These days, for the last 9 weeks and 5 days; I wake up reminded that HE gave me another gift... another life that's not mine to keep! I have a new life living and depending on me, but he isn't for me alone.

My SON would grow with me and grow old and I always have to be there for him. I go where he goes, I help him when he needs it and when he doesn't need it. I will let him GROW and GO, even if it would mean my heart broken, even if it would cost my happiness, and even if it would mean a great sacrifice.

I began to deeply understand God's love for us his children. I wake up each day thinking of my baby's needs first than my own... I have learned about love, hence with this great LOVE comes much greater SACRIFICE!

The miracle of life... especially if it's the life of your own child. Thank GOD for the gift of children... the children who are the life of theirs mothers and fathers 💙💛💜